They say we all should cultivate the ability to listen. “Why?” we ask. They say it shows respect, it makes the other person feel included, it honors the other’s point-of-view, it reduces tension, it takes the energy out of opposition.

But seldom do they tell us that it is the best way for us to learn. Seldom do they mention that, through listening and understanding, we and the other person can search together for the fullest truth or the best solution…that neither of us usually has.

Dan Balz and Haynes Johnson, in their new book, The Battle for America 2008: The Story of an Extraordinary Election, quote Barack Obama explaining why he so admires Abraham Lincoln.

…there is just a deep-rooted honesty and empathy to the man that allowed him to always be able to see the other person’s point of view and always sought to find that truth that is in the gap between you and me. Right? That the truth is out there somewhere and I don’t fully possess it and you don’t fully possess it and our job then is to listen and learn and imagine enough to be able to get to that truth.

This ability to listen in dialogue with another, where you are willing to suspend your own truths in order to learn from the other’s truths and perhaps be swayed by them, is a major milepost on the road to advanced development as a human being, let alone as a manager.

It is so easy to pretend–to ourself and to our employees–that we are listening and that we care enough to make sure we are both receiving and understanding their message. But when we show up in a conversation able to truly take in what they are saying, our level of trustworthiness in the mind of the employee can shoot up dramatically.

Of course, you aren’t quite there yet if you have to grit your teeth and furrow your forehead as you try hard to listen.